I'm changing things up for just this post. Since my sweet Beau has been born, I've been using this blog as a sort of "photo journal" to capture moments in our day to day activities that I can later print and bind to look through as he grows. However, I find myself sitting here on my bed, while my buddy is asleep in the other room and my dear husband is in Lewisville working, and can't help but feel moved to tears as I think about life and all that God's doing in ours. It's to the point of feeling almost overwhelming, the peace that I'm feeling, and I can't help but want to write this down so I can come back to it later in times of trying.
Last Thursday marked three years since I was baptized. That day when Brandon and I were talking about that day, I couldn't help but just be amazed at God's promise of devotion to us as I look at how amazing life has been since making that firm commitment. Not to say that life's all at once become easy, on the contrary, the day after that commitment marked some of the darkest days of my life. However through it all, and even getting to that point, was a feeling of God's hand resting on my shoulder. I looked to David in the Psalms when battling depression (and still do, frankly) during that time, and at points found myself referring to 1 Peter and Proverbs 31 in how I should put my focus in relation to my duties being with Brandon (before we were married and now even more so!). It amazes me that the Bible is written in such a way as to conform to the current roles we all find ourselves. When looking at marrying Brandon, I found the Word speaking to me as a husband pursuing and continually forgiving his unfaithful wife and now, as a mother, I see it as a father who loves his children more than they understand but also shows his love through discipline and requires obedience. Funny, huh? I don't know too many other books that you can do that with and it seems I always realize something new every time I read a passage. In three years I've learned so much about what it means to forsake all in the hope and trust of a Lord who will deliver us. It has been one of the most challenging times in my life, because I know that as my trust and love in God increases in measure, so does the pursuit of the Devil to take me away. I fall, I mess up, I even occassionally willingly sin in times of weakness. And yet I'm amazed that God still calls me home! Me, a sinner only saved by his gift of grace. No one act or collection of acts could save me. No "phoning a friend" or placing hope in "it's who you know, not what you know" could make any difference. I am simply devoting my life's work to glorifying God in all I do and strengthening our relationship.
In my life right now I'm trusting God to lead Brandon and me where we need to be. As of next Friday we will have no certain income coming in...and I am unafraid. Sometimes I think I must be a fool to not be worried, not be making appointments for the doctor to check us out for willingly putting ourselves in this situation...but I just know God's going to guide us where we'll be glorify him. I trust my husband, and my husband trusts God. I think of Israel out in the desert for 40 years thinking God had forgotten them or that they would never reach their destination. It reminds me that 1)we are working on God's time and not ours, and 2)God will always deliver us. I am reminded in Corinthians that he is merciful and will always provide us comfort, that while we share in the sufferings, we also share in the comfort only he can provide...what a mighty God we serve.
I suppose I've been chasing rabbits all along this post, but I guess I'm just so grateful that even as Brandon and I are facing uncertain times, we have our Lord who isn't uncertain about anything. And I'm just so grateful I was transformed that wonderful day 3 years ago.
Night. :)
PS. I'll post pictures starting with the next post! :)
